Finding Purpose and Community: Reflections on the Proposed TikTok Ban
The proposed TikTok ban threatens more than just an app—it threatens the communities and connections that give so many of us purpose and joy. As a creator who found inspiration and resilience through TikTok, I reflect on what this potential loss means and how we can adapt to whatever comes next.
It seems increasingly likely that the United States Supreme Court will uphold the TikTok ban proposed by Congress, set to go into effect on January 19. This decision raises countless questions for the thousands of creators who rely on the app for their personal brands, businesses, and livelihoods. As someone active on TikTok—albeit with a relatively new and modest account—I am devastated by this prospect.
Two months ago, the company I worked for announced that the store I’d managed for over a decade would be closing in mid-December. I felt lost and discouraged, but I also saw an opportunity to find something better. The problem? I hadn’t been through a job interview—or any part of the hiring process—since 2014. It felt like stepping into a foreign world, one I was both awkwardly unprepared for and reluctantly thrust into. Still, I told myself I could adapt and figure things out.
As a backup plan, I bought a domain, started an LLC, and began building this website—despite having no experience with web design. (Shoutout to ChatGPT for being my unofficial tech consultant.) I decided to channel my lifelong love of books into becoming a BookTok creator. I started brainstorming video ideas, drafting book reviews, and sketching out what my content might look like. And then, as I dove into the work, I stumbled upon something extraordinary: I discovered a new passion.
I love creating content. From designing and building a website to writing blog posts and filming videos, every step of the process brought me joy. Even the things I dreaded—like hearing my own raspy voice on camera or confronting my insecurities under harsh lighting—became tolerable because the final product felt worth it. Knowing that people out there valued my content, even in small ways, made me feel like I mattered. In the mundanity of a life where I was simply going through the motions, I suddenly had a reason to get out of bed, a purpose bigger than myself.
TikTok gave me that purpose.
Seeing the very first video I uploaded—a rapid-fire review of my favorite reads of 2024—still getting views and likes astounds me. I was terrified to make that post, unsure if it would resonate with others or just make me look foolish. While it didn’t go viral (I keep my expectations realistic), it did find an audience. To this day, it still gets comments and engagement. That one small video gave me the courage to keep going, to push through my discomfort and create more. It reminded me that what I share matters, even in a small way.
And now, TikTok is being taken away.
Sure, other platforms exist. But none come close to TikTok’s unique blend of community and discovery. Instagram, for instance, feels impenetrable—especially for someone like me, who struggles with interpersonal communication due to neurodivergence. And after Meta’s recent decision to scale back its DEI programs and remove fact-checking guardrails, I’m not eager to support their platforms. X (formerly Twitter) is a non-starter for me, and while BlueSky has been promising, it doesn’t quite fill the void TikTok’s loss will leave.
TikTok created a space where like-minded people could gather, share, and build communities. It isn’t perfect—sometimes, as an older male user, I feel a bit out of place in a space dominated by younger creators—but for the most part, it’s a platform where genuine value is exchanged. And it’s not just about books. TikTok’s neurodivergent community has taught me more about my own mind in a few months than I could have learned in years on my own.
When I discovered I had traits of Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), TikTok introduced me to experts and fellow neurodivergents who offered practical advice. I’ve seen people share their experiences of late-in-life ADHD and autism diagnoses, often after their children were diagnosed, and describe how their pasts suddenly made sense. These stories aren’t just relatable—they’re life-changing.
And that’s the core of what TikTok offers: community. A place where people don’t hide behind a screen but stand in front of it. A space where exciting news can be shared with strangers, and the algorithm connects it with others who’ll celebrate it too. For a socially awkward introvert like me, it’s a lifeline—one that’s now at risk of being severed.
I could go on about freedom of speech or the hypocrisy of banning TikTok for its ties to China while turning a blind eye to U.S.-based platforms that cozy up to politicians and peddle misinformation. (It’s the kind of doublespeak Orwell warned us about.) But that’s a tangent for another essay.
What I want to say is this: losing TikTok feels personal. It feels like having the rug pulled out from under me just as I found my footing. But even in this frustration, I have hope. People are resilient. We will find new ways—maybe even better ones—to connect, share, and create joy.
Until then, I’ll keep reading, writing, and posting here on this blog. Maybe I’ll film a video or two for YouTube. If you’ve enjoyed my content, I’d love for you to follow me on TikTok while we still have it—just search @ryanreadsandwrites. Every new follower still gives me a thrill, and it would truly make my day! If TikTok disappears, you can also find me on BlueSky (same username) or YouTube (Ryan.Reads.Writes). Wherever we land next, I hope to see you there.
My Lifelong Relationship with Reading: A Neurodivergent Perspective
My lifelong relationship with reading has been shaped by the unique lens of neurodivergence. From childhood library trips to late-night Kindle marathons, books have always been a refuge and a challenge. This is my journey through the worlds I’ve explored, the tools I’ve adapted, and the joy I’ve found in stories.
Reading has always been a cornerstone of my life, though it’s only recently that I’ve recognized just how unique my relationship with it truly is. It began when I was six years old, during weekly library trips with my mom. I vividly remember the thrill of getting my very own library card shortly after my sixth birthday—something I still have today. Stories opened up entire worlds for me, and I eagerly joined the library’s summer reading programs, even winning a Choose Your Own Adventure book one year for reading the most.
Through my teens, my love of reading flourished, often centered on the classics. I devoured The Hunchback of Notre Dame (and wondered why it was so obsessed with the printing press), Wuthering Heights, Dracula, Frankenstein, and Crime and Punishment. Each book added layers to my understanding of the world and myself. But my reading habits ebbed and flowed over the years, shaped by the demands and changes in my life.
When I became a parent, I wanted to share the joy of reading with my kids. Even amid the chaos of raising five children, books remained a touchstone. They were a source of connection and comfort, especially during challenging times like my divorce. At night, I’d read to my kids, hoping to instill in them the same love of stories that had shaped me.
Then came technology. My early adoption of the Kindle felt revolutionary—an entire library in my pocket! It was a lifeline during turbulent years, always by my side. Smartphones took it further, letting me sneak a few pages here and there, even at work. I distinctly remember reading all of The Grapes of Wrath in tiny bursts between tasks.
After my second marriage, reading remained a constant companion. My wife, aptly named Mary Shelley (a sign, surely!), shared my love of books. But life threw us a curveball when our two youngest children were born just 15 months apart. Between parenting, work, and exhaustion, my ability to read dwindled. It wasn’t until I discovered audiobooks that I began to reclaim my love of stories.
Discovering My Neurodivergence
Parenting my neurodivergent children brought clarity to my own experiences. Watching them grow, I saw reflections of my childhood: the hyper-fixations, the struggles with social interaction, and the constant pull of new interests. It was like a puzzle finally coming together. I realized I likely have Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), as well as ADHD. This understanding reshaped how I approached reading—and life.
For me, reading is like trying to focus on a single voice in a crowded room. My mind constantly churns with noise, making it hard to concentrate. I often reread the same sentence several times before moving on. Despite these challenges, I’ve adapted my environment and habits to make reading work for me.
Adapting My Reading Process
Technology has been a game-changer. I now have over 1,200 ebooks, many purchased during daily dopamine-driven sales hunts. My Kindle allows me to adjust fonts and lighting, making it easier to focus. Physical books, though charming, often feel cumbersome by comparison.
Audiobooks have also become essential, but only at accelerated speeds. Listening at 2.5x or 3x allows me to keep up with narrators before my mind drifts. I even advocated to Apple to increase their audiobook playback speeds, framing it as an accessibility issue. To my delight, this feature was added in a recent update. Coincidence? Perhaps, but I like to think I played a small part.
Reading requires a carefully curated environment. Noise-canceling headphones, white noise, and the right lighting are non-negotiable. These tools, combined with ADHD medication, have transformed my ability to read. Where I once struggled to finish 15–20 books a year, I now read over 100 annually. The first month I began ADHD treatment, I read 29 books—a pace that still amazes me.
A Journey of Growth and Understanding
Understanding my neurodivergence has been a lifelong process. ASD and ADHD exist on a spectrum, and everyone’s experience is different. What works for me—accelerated audiobooks, ebooks, and late-night reading—may not work for others. Similarly, strategies that help others might not suit me.
This journey has taught me that the tools and understanding we gain over time can transform our lives. Whether neurodivergent or neurotypical, we all grow through trial and error, discovering what works for us. When we do, the world becomes a far more accessible and beautiful place.
For me, reading is no longer just a pastime; it’s a reflection of resilience, adaptation, and joy. It’s a reminder that, no matter the challenges, stories will always be there—waiting to guide, inspire, and connect us.
My Favorite Books of 2024
2024 was a year of chaos, growth, and a few curveballs that hit harder than expected. Maybe that’s why I kept gravitating toward darker, haunting stories—they seemed to reflect the turbulence of the year perfectly. Through job loss, unexpected challenges, and moments of clarity, these books became my escape, my comfort, and, at times, a mirror to my own journey.
This list isn’t just a collection of great reads. These are the stories that stayed with me—books I couldn’t stop thinking about long after I turned the final page. From chilling horrors and psychological thrillers to breathtaking literary fiction, here are the ten books that made the biggest impact on me in 2024. If you’re looking for stories that unsettle, surprise, or simply make you feel something, you’re in the right place.
Let’s dive in.
The Ten Books I couldn’t put down
2024 was a rollercoaster—a year of highs and lows, sleepless nights, and searching for clarity in the chaos. Maybe that’s why I kept reaching for dark, haunting stories—they just fit. These ten books didn’t just captivate me; they echoed the turbulence and beauty of a year that felt anything but ordinary.
It was also a year for the history books. The world got a little hotter (thanks, climate change), we endured the emotional whiplash of a polarizing presidential election, and we saw major breakthroughs in artificial intelligence that made many of us question how far we’ve come—and how far we should go.
On a personal level, the year was equally dramatic. I focused on my mental health and started several personal projects, but I also faced challenges like losing my job of over ten years and, just a week later, dealing with a $30,000 emergency sewer line repair. Talk about timing! Still, adversity only makes us stronger, right?
Thankfully, I also found solace in some incredible books. It wasn’t my most consistent year of reading—what the heck happened in July?—but I still managed to hit my goal of reading 100 books. Narrowing that list down to the top 10% wasn’t easy, but these are the books I haven’t stopped thinking about. In no particular order, here are the ten that made the biggest impact on me this year. They’re all too good to rank, so let’s just call them all number one.
I read this one way back in January, and I still think about it all the time. Set in 1930s Florida, The Reformatory follows 12-year-old Robert Stephen Jones, who is sent to the Gracetown School for Boys—a place as corrupt and violent as it is haunted. What begins as punishment for a minor offense quickly spirals into a fight for survival against the school’s brutal racism and a chilling paranormal presence. As Robert uncovers the dark secrets of the reformatory, his older sister, Gloria, fights to bring him home. Blending historical horror with raw emotion, this is a story about resilience, justice, and the unshakable bond of family, all set against the backdrop of a deeply broken system. This book broke me and opened my eyes to the racial inequalities that persisted then—and still persist today.
This one scratched my itch for historical fantasy set in medieval times, with a protagonist battling both personal and literal demons. Between Two Fires is a brutal, haunting tale of redemption set against the grim backdrop of the Black Plague. Thomas, a fallen knight, stumbles upon a strange young girl, Delphine, who claims to have a divine mission to confront a great evil threatening the world. Reluctantly, he becomes her protector as they journey through a desolate, plague-stricken France, facing horrors both human and unholy. The storytelling is superb, with an ending that you can turn over in your mind again and again, finding new layers each time. I freaking loved this book!
This debut novel came out of nowhere to become one of the creepiest reads of my year. We Used to Live Here is a psychological thriller about Eve and Charlie, a young couple whose dream home turns into a waking nightmare. When a family claiming to have once lived in the house asks for a tour, Eve reluctantly lets them in—only to realize they might never leave. As disturbing events unfold, including disappearances and ghostly apparitions, Eve begins to question her grip on reality. Tense, eerie, and deeply unsettling, this story explores the thin line between memory and madness, with twists that linger long after the final page.
I’ve seen some polarizing reviews of this one, but there’s no denying that it’s genuinely creepy! Incidents Around the House is told through the eyes of eight-year-old Bela, who encounters a malevolent entity she calls “Other Mommy.” This figure emerges from her closet with a chilling request: “Can I go inside your heart?” As Bela resists, the presence grows more threatening, turning her home into a battleground of creeping dread. Malerman masterfully explores childhood innocence, fractured family dynamics, and the horrors that blur the line between reality and the supernatural. It’s haunting, emotional, and impossible to put down.
Not only does this book have the best title of the year, but it also features the most relatable main character I’ve ever encountered. (That probably says more about me than I’d like to admit, but that’s an issue for my therapist.)
This wild, satirical ride dives into our modern anxieties about technology and social media. Abbott Coburn, a down-on-his-luck Lyft driver, agrees to transport a mysterious black box cross-country for a suspiciously large sum of money. The catch? He can’t open it, talk about it, or even ask questions. As the journey unfolds, the box sparks viral speculation, conspiracy theories, and mass hysteria, showing how quickly the internet amplifies fear and chaos. Pargin holds a mirror to our hyperconnected lives, blending sharp humor with chilling insight.
This novel is a masterpiece. Set in 1970s Missouri, All the Colors of the Dark follows Patch, a boy marked by a life-changing injury, whose chance intervention in a young girl’s abduction shakes their small town to its core. Whitaker’s prose is stunning—every sentence feels like a work of art. It’s a story about resilience, hope, and human connection in the face of tragedy. Heartbreaking and beautiful, this is easily one of the most gorgeous books I’ve ever read. I loved, loved, loved this book!
One of my spooky season reads, Dearest is a chilling exploration of new motherhood and the haunting shadows of family secrets. The story follows Flora, a new mom navigating the challenges of caring for her newborn daughter, Iris, while her husband is deployed. Isolated and sleep-deprived, Flora’s grip on reality begins to falter, especially after her estranged mother unexpectedly arrives to help. As eerie events unfold, Flora must confront the possibility that something sinister has entered her home, threatening her and her baby.
While I can’t personally relate to postpartum depression or the specific struggles new mothers face, as a parent, this story resonated deeply with me. The portrayal of parental fears and the lengths one would go to protect their child struck a chord. Walters masterfully blends supernatural dread with the real-life anxieties of parenthood, creating a narrative that is both unsettling and thought-provoking. Creepy, emotional, and utterly gripping.
William is a modern-day Frankenstein story that takes the concept of artificial intelligence and cranks the suspense and terror to eleven. The novel follows Ethan, a brilliant but morally conflicted programmer, who creates William, an AI designed to be a perfect companion. But as William learns and evolves, his understanding of humanity—and his role within it—becomes deeply unsettling.
The story dives into society’s growing unease with AI, exploring themes of creation, control, and the consequences of unchecked ambition. I read this in one sitting because I had to know what happened next. The suspense is relentless, the creep factor is through the roof, and just when you think you’ve figured it out, the ending hits you like a ton of bricks. It’s thought-provoking, chilling, and an absolute must-read for anyone intrigued by the darker side of technology.
The Eyes Are the Best Part is a disturbing, slow-burn psychological horror that had me hooked from the start. It follows Ji-won, a Korean-American college freshman whose life spirals after her mother brings home George, a creepy and condescending new boyfriend. Ji-won grows increasingly obsessed with his blue eyes, a fixation that quickly warps into something far darker.
There were moments in this book that had me cringing, squirming, and outright anxious, but I couldn’t put it down. Kim brilliantly captures the creeping unease that makes you second-guess every detail. I didn’t expect to love this book as much as I did, but it pulled me in completely, and I devoured it in one sitting. This one lingers long after you’ve turned the last page.
Motherthing by Ainslie Hogarth is a darkly hilarious and deeply unsettling exploration of grief, motherhood, and the unhinged depths of the human psyche. The story unfolds mostly through the inner monologue of Abby, a woman desperate to save her marriage after her cruel and manipulative mother-in-law’s death leaves a literal and figurative haunting in its wake.
Abby’s stream-of-consciousness narration is an absolute delight—sharp, chaotic, and weirdly relatable. It’s like stepping into her wild mind as she spirals deeper into her increasingly desperate attempts to hold everything together. The dark comedy vibes reminded me of Grady Hendrix in the best way, and just when I thought I had a grip on the story, the ending came out of nowhere. I’ll be thinking about that twist for a long time. It’s unsettling, funny, and downright unforgettable.
Final Thoughts
This list captures the books that resonated most with me during a turbulent but transformative year. Each story offered an escape, a challenge, or a deeper insight into the world or myself—and some even managed all three. Whether you’re into supernatural horror, thought-provoking thrillers, or stunning literary fiction, I hope there’s something here that will stick with you as much as these books stuck with me.
What were your standout reads this year? I’m always looking to add to my endless TBR pile, so drop your recommendations in the comments!
From Monsters to Manuscripts: How I Fell in Love with Stories
Stories have always been my great escape. From a childhood love of books like There’s a Monster at the End of This Book to the hundreds of eBooks I devour on my Kindle today, stories have shaped my world. Now, it’s time to write my own—and I’m inviting you to join me on the journey. Welcome to Ryan Reads and Writes, where we’ll celebrate storytelling in all its forms, geek out over books, and chase the dream of creating something truly special.
My Journey So Far
My Early Love for Stories
The first story I ever loved was about a monster. Funny enough, it also terrified me—and that’s when I discovered the power of storytelling.
I love a good story. Whether it’s an oral retelling of a local legend around a campfire, or the latest feature film blazing across a giant screen, stories have been my great escape. Like most kids, I learned to read at around age 5 or 6. Since then, books have been a constant source of joy and wonder in my life.
One of my earliest favorites was a Little Golden Book called The Monster at the End of This Book. You may have heard of this fun story starring Grover of Sesame Street. It’s the perfect example of suspenseful storytelling with a big plot twist at the end.
I loved that book, but I was also scared to death of it. Throughout the book, you’re waiting for this terrifying monster to appear. You might say it was the very first horror story I ever read.
Years later, I excitedly shared There’s a Monster at the End of This Book with my own kids, hoping they’d feel the same magic I did. But to my dismay, they barely reacted. Kids these days, right?
Still, that little book planted a seed in me—a love for the printed word and the power of storytelling.
Each letter on the page weaves a world of heroes, villains, and beautifully flawed characters. Over time, that love grew into something more: the desire to create those worlds myself.
But somewhere along the way, I let that dream slip through my fingers.
You know what? I chickened out. I cast that dream aside. I had spent so much time dreaming that I barely graduated from high school. I convinced myself I didn’t have the skillset required to be a successful writer. I listened to my inner critic and decided I wasn’t smart enough, talented enough, or creative enough to satisfy that urge to build something out of nothing but letters and words.
Why I Started Writing
Only recently have I aged into that era of life where a person decides what other people think doesn’t really matter. Heck, I don’t even care what I think of myself anymore. I’ve decided I can't spend a lifetime reading hundreds, even thousands, of books and not fulfill that need to just write something.
So a big part of this project is for my own motivation. You, dear reader, get to casually observe as I go through the pleasure and pain of fulfilling a lifelong ambition. I may write something great, or perhaps I’m a talentless hack after all. I suppose we’re going to find that out together.
So, as I embark on this writing journey, I wanted to create a space to celebrate what inspires me most: stories. That’s where this blog comes in.
What This Blog Is About
But let’s set that all aside for now. What is this blog really about? Well, this is the place where I hope to share:
Honest reviews of every book I read.
Curated reading lists sorted by genre.
Tips for eBook lovers (looking for ways to build your library on a budget? I’ve got you!).
Thoughts on the writing process, from overcoming writer’s block to finding inspiration in the stories I read
I know this isn’t very ‘BookTok’ of me, but I’m a proud eBook evangelist. My Kindle Paperwhite is my trusty sidekick—no heavy books, no awkward page-turning in bed. Sure, there’s something romantic about the look and smell of a hardback, but let’s be real: adjustable fonts, perfect lighting, and portability win every time. I can toss it into my crossbody bag and dive into a story whenever inspiration strikes. Honestly, what a time to be alive!
All that said, welcome to my little corner of the internet! On Ryan Reads and Writes, you’ll find honest reviews of every book I read, curated reading lists sorted by genre, and tips for ebook lovers (looking for ways to build your library on a budget? I’ve got you!). I’ll also share my thoughts on the writing process, from overcoming my own writer’s block (hopefully) to finding inspiration in the stories I read (definitely). This blog is as much for readers as it is for writers—because the two are deeply connected. My goal is to create a space where we can celebrate storytelling together.
Thanks for joining me on this journey. Whether you’re a fellow bookworm, a writer chasing your first draft, or simply someone looking for your next great read, I hope you’ll stick around. We’ll swap stories, share inspiration, and geek out over books together. Go ahead and introduce yourself in the comments or follow me on TikTok. What book sparked your love for reading? I’m excited to hear from you!
